Author: Peter

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Graceful Self

This was originally published on the Happiness Series in March 2011.

Graceful Self

By Peter Ferko

People all carry opinions about themselves, and have patterns of response and behavior that are deeply ingrained. Since the moment you were born, you’ve been using whatever tools you have along with your experiences to hone a “self,” or identity. Yogis locate these deeply held beliefs in the energy center called svadisthana, which literally means, “abode of the self,” where their influence plays out unconsciously in your mind and body. The problem with this scenario is that your current experience takes place through the filter of this old self — you are looking at life through a pair of glasses that alter the view. That’s why it’s so hard to change, to break old habits, or to grow.

To move beyond your deeply held belief patterns into something new, you have to be willing — and able — to see things as they are now, rather than constantly reinforcing your old sense of self. While something like therapy might help you see where the patterns came from, yoga aims instead to give you an experience of a present moment free of the filter. Practices like concentration and meditation provide moments of clear perspective, and some guided meditations will encourage the release of patterns on an energetic level. Those present moment experiences help your “self” evolve toward a wiser “Self” who has a more graceful approach to life.

With practice, when you hear yourself thinking, “I’m this that,” or I’m the kind of person who would never be able to blank,” you can pause, take off those filter glasses and look from the perspective of the “Self” that is actually experiencing this moment. The more you practice that new way of knowing, the more you expand toward the best Self you can be.

 

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Graceful Love, Part 1

This first appeared at the Happiness Series, March 2, 2011.

Graceful Love, Part 1

By Peter Ferko

Imagine a graceful relationship. Fantasy, right? I used to get upset that my romantic partners and I could not maintain the common civility that’s so easy with everyone else I know. But over the years, it became clear that those intimate relationships we create are like laboratories for expanding our abilities in so many areas: patience, compassion, understanding, unconditional love.

Ah, you may say, but what to do about the annoyance, demands, guilt trips, temper tantrums… need I go on?
This topic needs an encyclopedia, but I’ll try to provide some insights one by one over a series of posts. Working on even one will be a good challenge — and will, I guarantee, make a difference in your relationships.

So here we go, drumroll please, first thing to do to make your relationship more graceful:

Give up your need to be right. What?! I know, you thought you were going to get your way, that things were going to get easier. But where’s the growth in that?

What do you get when you find yourself in a ‘discussion’ and you let go of the need to 1) have the last word, 2) get him/her to admit you were right, or 3) prove your point logically? You get space. A clear open space where you’re not pushing back against the person you theoretically love. In that space, the most remarkable things happen. You might realize that your partner’s idea is actually pretty good. You might see that most things don’t matter at the level we try to control them. You might find that your partner is so transformed by being acknowledged — it might help him/her break through old patterns of feeling misunderstood, undervalued, etc. Plus, if your partner knows you don’t always insist on getting your way,he/she will be more likely to listen when that certain something comes up that really is important to you.

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The lost art of design of art

I love cars as objects. Old cars were so much more artfully designed than new vehicles — not that new cars aren’t designed with the beauty of efficiency, it’s just the primary purpose isn’t appearance, as is so evident in old rides. I came across a 1971 Fiat 500 around the corner. The 2012 model suddenly seems to be everywhere. But the 40-year old’s mirror alone proves my point. Look at this beautiful object, comme gli seni di Venus de Milo.

mirror, 1971 Fiat 500
Venus de Milo (detail), photographer unknown

Here’s the whole car, with its 2012 update below Even the Hipstamatic distortion can’t help the youngster look hip.

1971 Fiat 500
2012 Fiat 500

I keep lusting after those older models (I’m forever in love with the 1960’s Porsche 356 roadster), but the last time I owned a 70’s vehicle, my sedate Mercedes sedan, repairs almost broke the bank.

But it’s not the same to look at these in photos; thank god I still get to see them sometimes, like rare birds and beasts.

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Artful Nature

minimalist tree

For the past five years, I’ve been spending more time in nature than I had for the previous 20. It was odd as a photographer, because nature photography is such a hackneyed subject. I tried to capture some of the joy of that subject (which is overwhelmingly immense) within the medium that creates such tiny images of its spirit. My favorites so far are the Elements Wall (2010) and the Boite du Bois (2008). Sometimes, though, I just can’t stop myself from filming a la everyman, and with Wendy along to show the effects of the real thing, here’s a highlight from our week of Nature, Rensselaer County, New York.

We discovered the gorgeous Barberville Waterfall just 15 minutes from the cabin. It made for a blissful walk and lunch and the river rocks made a pretty, if uncomfortable, seat.

a table with a view...

There were so many places along the 1 mile Nature Conservancy trail below the falls, that it was impossible to pick one place that would be good for lunch. This one had lovely views in both directions; Wendy saw a meadow, I saw Wendy.

throne of stone

The rock along the river bed and bank had sheared off in huge geometric chunks. The larger bolders looked sculpted; this riverbed loveseat was typical.

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quote for the year

“The key experience for any artist, in all the arts, is the solitariness of the studio, the thousands of hours we spend alone with our work . . . I think it’s a folly to imagine another person being able to even come close to the richness we create for ourselves in our work.”

—- Thomas Nozkowski
Sky Pape and I got to interview Nozkowski back in 2006. He has a new show at Pace:
THOMAS NOZKOWSKI

October 22–December 4, 2010

Opening Reception: Thursday, October 21, 6–8PM

THE PACE GALLERY
510 West 25th Street NYC
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the way

I heard this today attributed to the Buddha. It clearly encapsulates the philosophy whether he said it or not. I wonder often if the artist’s way has the same philosophy in general, though I think Julia Cameron has this generally in mind though her recommended process. It was just so good to hear again that I wanted to write it somewhere, and this seemed like an appropriate place:

There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

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new media

A while back, I noticed creative Brooklyn artists had created a new medium for graffiti: mix and match subway posters. There’s a new image m(b)aker in town. This time the grafitti is more artisinal and more site specific to our Italian-American neighborhood.